It is always interesting for me to see how people perceive themselves and what they think about themselves and about "who they are". Unfortunately, at times they are unwilling to accept the fact that the way they think is exactly the one which hurts them. Many how I've spoken with throughout the years:
* Think they know themselves well enough to be able to cultivate and maintain a "good" relationship (whatever they mean by "good").
* Think they know how to be and behave in a relationship. Therefore, if the relationship fails, it is not them, but their partners' fault!
* Think that "loving a lot" is the secret for a satisfying long-term bond.
* Think that "falling in love" and "being there" for their partners are what it takes to have a satisfying relationship.
When their relationships fail, why don't they develop awareness to understand why they fail?
Throughout the years I've heard many reasons, justifications and excuses for not developing self-awareness:
* Many feel they are too busy to figure out what's going on with their relationships.
* Many are afraid to look inside, scared to find things about themselves they rather not see, so they go on "relating" to others in exactly the same ways they have until now.
* Many believe they have done all they could about finding and cultivating a good relationship, including dating others, chatting with them on the internet, developing and posting an interesting profile, reading tips about relationships, and there is nothing else they can do.
* Some have read books on relationships, attended workshops, maybe sought short-term-counselling. In spite of all these, they don't think that self-awareness is something that will help them understand what leads them to fail in their relationships.
Self-awareness is a prerequisite for a successful relationship
When I hear these explanations from those failing in their relationships time and again, I make it very clear to them that if they sincerely and wholeheartedly wish to cultivate and maintain a satisfying relationship they must develop self-awareness and understand how they sabotage their relationships. For example:
* Do they have any unconscious fears of intimacy or commitment which make them run away from true relationships?
* Do they have fears of rejection and abandonment which make them hang too much onto their partners?
* Do they have low-esteem and self-concept issues which make them too dependent on their partners?
* Do they have too many control issues which make them too dominant as partners?
* Do they have incessant needs for love, appreciation and acceptance which make their partner feel suffocated?
* Do they have unrealistic expectations about partners and relationships which drive them to make too many demands on their partners?
* Do their belief-system and perception of how things "should be" between them and their partners drive them to endless arguments and conflicts without their being willing to compromise?
* Do their attitudes, reactions and behaviors are precisely those which harm their relationships?
Those motivated to develop self-awareness and understand what exerts power over them and drives them to sabotage their relationships, will become empowered to make the necessary changes, stop failing in their relationships and be able to develop a satisfying bond.
Doron Gil, Ph.D., an expert on Self-Awareness and Relationships, is the author of: "The Self-Awareness Guide to a Successful Intimate Relationship: Understanding Why You Fail in Your Relationships Over and Over Again and Learning How to Stop it!" Available as eBook and paperback: http://www.amazon.com/Self-Awareness-Guide-Successful-Intimate-Relationship/dp/143925141X/
Dr. Gil has a 30 year experience as a university teacher, workshop leader, counselor and consultant in both the USA and Israel. He has taught classes on Self-Awareness and Relationships to thousands of students, lectured widely on these and related topics at conferences world-wide, gave workshops and trained physicians, managers, school teachers and parents on how to develop Self-Awareness in order to improve their personal and professional relationships.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/6383126
* Think they know how to be and behave in a relationship. Therefore, if the relationship fails, it is not them, but their partners' fault!
* Think that "loving a lot" is the secret for a satisfying long-term bond.
* Think that "falling in love" and "being there" for their partners are what it takes to have a satisfying relationship.
When their relationships fail, why don't they develop awareness to understand why they fail?
Throughout the years I've heard many reasons, justifications and excuses for not developing self-awareness:
* Many feel they are too busy to figure out what's going on with their relationships.
* Many are afraid to look inside, scared to find things about themselves they rather not see, so they go on "relating" to others in exactly the same ways they have until now.
* Many believe they have done all they could about finding and cultivating a good relationship, including dating others, chatting with them on the internet, developing and posting an interesting profile, reading tips about relationships, and there is nothing else they can do.
* Some have read books on relationships, attended workshops, maybe sought short-term-counselling. In spite of all these, they don't think that self-awareness is something that will help them understand what leads them to fail in their relationships.
Self-awareness is a prerequisite for a successful relationship
When I hear these explanations from those failing in their relationships time and again, I make it very clear to them that if they sincerely and wholeheartedly wish to cultivate and maintain a satisfying relationship they must develop self-awareness and understand how they sabotage their relationships. For example:
* Do they have any unconscious fears of intimacy or commitment which make them run away from true relationships?
* Do they have fears of rejection and abandonment which make them hang too much onto their partners?
* Do they have low-esteem and self-concept issues which make them too dependent on their partners?
* Do they have too many control issues which make them too dominant as partners?
* Do they have incessant needs for love, appreciation and acceptance which make their partner feel suffocated?
* Do they have unrealistic expectations about partners and relationships which drive them to make too many demands on their partners?
* Do their belief-system and perception of how things "should be" between them and their partners drive them to endless arguments and conflicts without their being willing to compromise?
* Do their attitudes, reactions and behaviors are precisely those which harm their relationships?
Those motivated to develop self-awareness and understand what exerts power over them and drives them to sabotage their relationships, will become empowered to make the necessary changes, stop failing in their relationships and be able to develop a satisfying bond.
Doron Gil, Ph.D., an expert on Self-Awareness and Relationships, is the author of: "The Self-Awareness Guide to a Successful Intimate Relationship: Understanding Why You Fail in Your Relationships Over and Over Again and Learning How to Stop it!" Available as eBook and paperback: http://www.amazon.com/Self-Awareness-Guide-Successful-Intimate-Relationship/dp/143925141X/
Dr. Gil has a 30 year experience as a university teacher, workshop leader, counselor and consultant in both the USA and Israel. He has taught classes on Self-Awareness and Relationships to thousands of students, lectured widely on these and related topics at conferences world-wide, gave workshops and trained physicians, managers, school teachers and parents on how to develop Self-Awareness in order to improve their personal and professional relationships.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/6383126
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