Surviving Your Spouse's Infidelity With a Member of Your Family

The pain caused by infidelity is excruciating. When your spouse cheats on you with a member of your family, the pain is magnified because you have been betrayed by two people you love.

Why did my family member do this?

You may never know why. Undoubtedly, an explanation will be given, but it may not resolve the issue in your mind. You can spend hours upon hours of energy trying to figure out why. It may be a better idea to focus on what to do about your marriage.

Why did my spouse do this?

Cheating is mostly emotional. For some reason, your spouse felt an emotional connection with your family member. However, this does not excuse the behavior.

What do I do now?

Although two relationships in your life are in turmoil, decisions concerning about your marriage are the most pressing. You need to decide whether you want to work to save the marriage. If you do, because of the nature of the situation, it would be wise not to try to work things through alone. The chances for reconciliation and a lasting marriage will be greatly improved if both of you agree to utilize professional help. A good counselor will work with you as a couple and individually as well. This is important. Before you can have a whole marriage, you need to be whole individuals.

If you and your spouse make a commitment to keep your marriage together, it may be wise to put safeguards in place to help ensure that your family member cannot contact your spouse easily. It is simple to block email addresses or telephone numbers. However, the primary and best safeguard is your mate. Your spouse should be open with you, informing you immediately of any attempts to contact him/her by your relative.

What about my family member?

Family members cannot be divorced, so there is no way to get this person out of your life forever. Invariably, both of you will be present at weddings, funerals and graduations. Unless you do not attend any family events for the rest of your life, you will see this relative occasionally. This means that there must be some sort of reconciliation; you need to be able to be civil toward one another. Otherwise, every encounter will be a miserable experience for both of you and the rest of the family.

Unpleasant Circumstances

Infidelity with a family member is one of the worst kinds of extramarital involvement. It affects not only the married couple, but the family at large. Once exposed, the affair gains a life of its own as everyone in the family begins to give their opinion on the matter and try to establish blame. People begin to take sides and the family becomes divided.

Often, undue pressure is placed on the faithful spouse to file for divorce. Talk of forgiveness and keeping the marriage together is met with hostility. The family may want you to forgive your relative, but not your spouse. Innocent of any wrong doing, you are asked to choose sides. Any support from your family to keep your marriage intact may be minuscule.

Even though you are facing less than the best of circumstances, your marriage can survive this ordeal with the right kind of help and determination. Be certain that all decisions you make are your own and not forced upon you by your family or others.

Caroline Dean is an advocate for marriage. She promotes resolution to marital conflict. For information on infidelity with a friend visit http://www.cheatingspouseshelpcenter.com

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